No matter how much I lose faith in myself

( Round and around and around )

[Cloud Strife is in the old Midgar slums by himself in the broken-down church, sitting in a ramshackle campsite and changing the bandages on his blackened arm.]

Cloud Strife (lets_mosey): 7,418 comments (19.60%), played since 2009-03-19 (471 days at 16 comments/day)
Allen Walker (pierrotdetous): 24,354 comments (64.34%), played since 2009-05-22 (407 days at 60 comments/day)
Yamamoto Takeshi (breaking_waves): 6,082 comments (16.07%), played since 2009-09-06 (300 days at 20 comments/day)

Total comment count: 37,854 since 2009-03-19 (471 days at 80 comments/day)


. . . Allen beat Yuusuke. . .

ETA OH SHIT I FORGOT DARC HA HA

WELL HE... HIS USERNAME WAS ASYMMETRY AND HIS COMMENT COUNT WAS 281

My poor baby all forgotten in the pillar

And now for Cloud :D

( KURAWUDO AIN'T DOIN SO GOOD )

ETA: Oh, and another thing! I forgot. There is one dead giveaway that Cloud is taken over by Jenova. His eyes are different! They glow brighter, more greenish-blue than true blue, and his pupils are slit like a cat. Because his eyes normally glow, this probably isn't that noticeable. But it's certainly enough to merit odd to anyone who gets close enough, or pays acute attention to detail, and knows his eyes aren't normally like that. Though they have been like that before, in brief flashes, during Bad Times. Hmmm. They changed a month or so after Zack left and have been that way ever since.

+ Coming home with a newspaper for Denzel and Marlene to practice reading.

This is either in a novel, or it was mentioned in Ultimania, I forget. Pretty sure someone's On A Way To A Smile, idk. Basically, whenever Cloud returns home from a delivery job from far away, he picks up a souvenir for Marlene and Denzel. He stops in on 7th Heaven to give the kids a newspaper (from Costa del Sol I think) to practice their reading. Denzel glees out when he's home and trails around behind him like a duckling for a while, and Marlene hugs him. Cloud is careful not to let them or Tifa touch his arm, and doesn't stay long.

What he learned:

- ... I have kids ...
- what
- first memory where he feels really close to Tifa. Has trouble meeting her eyes.
- He's sick and not letting Tifa or the kids know
- melty disease is thus not the result of a Judge
- ... Denzel has it too.
- Marlene is smarter than Denzel.
- He's really afraid, or regretful, being with them.


+ Letting the Turks kill Don Corneo.

This is the second half of Wutai and it is hilarious.

Yuffie runs away from the party and straight into the hands of DON CORNEO!!! Cloud nearly flips a table at the sight of his would-be molester and cause of all his crossdressing woes ("YOU!!"). Elena is also captured, and the party and the Turks agree to put their differences aside in the name of beating the pervert up. There's a chase scene up Ninja Mountain, a CONFRONTATION!!, and then the Turks kick the guy off a cliff and everyone enjoys it :) The Turks get a call from Shinra telling them to go after the Party, and the Turks, like classy bastards, look at each other, look at the party, and then say they're off duty. :|b

Then Yuffie gives everyone their materia back, though in the wrong order. (#$@#%)

What he learned:

- Sweet justice was served.
- His relationship with his midbosses is kind of... he's not sure, but oh well. :|a
- Got materia and Yuffie back in party where they belong.

+ The long, annoying trip to Wutai with NO MATERIA

What it is:

( SUMMARY :D; )

What he learned:
- A LOT of sharpening of actual combat skills and item use (medical kits, potions, camping out, etc)
- a lot about Wutai
- Cloud DOES fully intend to let Yuffie back in the party. Just. Oh my God \o/
- DO NOT TRUST YUFFIE AS FAR AS YOU CAN THROW HER. Still, obviously cares about her if he's going through the trouble of. Not beating the crap out of her.

Now that things are calm after insanegame and Yuffie's giving him a chance, he's going to tell her about her dad, at least. That'll be. Awkward.


+ Listening to Rufus go on and on about ruling people with fear.

What it is: This is actually a decent sized memory about way more than Rufus:

( SCRIPT EXCERPT )

What it does:

- A very solid Mercenary!Personality Cloud memory, which literally knocks him towards that personality until the memory's had time to settle with his normal existence. At this point, Cloud's memories are still in sharp contrast. Cloud, as a Jenovaclone, is subconsciously trying to reconcile what the fuck is going on in his brain. He's doing this by minimalizing the memories where he clearly IS NOT a SOLDIER 1st Class AND his personality is not tough at all. The process goes like this:

- Sephiroth killed the president of Shinra!!
- I'm totally the dramatic stoic unlikely heroic hero to save the world/Promised Land from Sephiroth. that's awkward...
- Wait, didn't I stab him in the fucking back in Nibelhelm?
- ?!?!?
- I don't remember this at the time I discover Shinra... that's weird why don't I remember?
- Why the hell is Sephiroth still alive?!
- fzzzt Obviously he is alive because he's Jenova and we are borg fzzzt
- sssephiroth iisss calllling mmmeee
- fzzzzt SERIOUSLY, I STABBED HIM IN THE BACK, THAT'S WEIRD-- wait, didn't I stab him while I was wearing a Grunt uniform?
- When did I become a SOLDIER?! Shouldn't I have remembered that by now!?
- God I'm totally not a SOLDIER what's going on
- YES I AM THE JUDGES ARE TAMPERING WITH MY MEMORIES
- shit I feel dizzy again
- [PASSES OUT]

So that's about where Cloud is :|a "No matter how fucked up I am if my team things I'm ok and Aeris thinks I'm ok then I'm ok \o/!!"

Meanwhile, Cloud remembers that time they drowned Blood and had two kids eaten alive, and had to do it in front of them and everyone.

Cloud pretty much is just sad his tinies finally had to go through something pretty rotten, but as far as his team was concerned, all his energy went to them, Pyxis and mostly armless girlfriend. He's pretty chill with the leg-gnawing and fast death. He is mostly concerned with: his tinies, Pyxis, Sephiroth, Aeris, and hoping sex with a girl isn't too different than sex with a boy.

It's ok kids, one day YOU TOO can be as zen as leper-team guilt-complex 1stgen!Cygnus.

Hit Points: S
Magic Points: S
Strength: S
Defense: S
Magic: S
Magic Defense: S
Intelligence: C+
Wisdom: C
Will: F
Dexterity: S
Speed: A
Stamina: S to F, depending on Geostigma
Health: A to F, depending on Geostigma; F in mental health.

CLOUD'S IS AN EMBARRASSING LEVEL OF MAGICAL and his bracer crops this down. What cripples all of his insane stats is his complete lack of execution due to brainfail.

Cloud Strife (lets_mosey): 5,393 comments (28.42%), played since 2009-03-19 (262 days at 21 comments/day)
Allen Walker (pierrotdetous): 11,239 comments (59.22%), played since 2009-05-22 (198 days at 57 comments/day)
Yamamoto Takeshi (breaking_waves): 2,345 comments (12.36%), played since 2009-09-06 (91 days at 26 comments/day)

Total comment count: 18,977 since 2009-03-19 (262 days at 72 comments/day)


lol lol 8|a

loev cat

Age: 21
Height: 5'7"
Weight: ~170, 180 ish. Lean and small but pretty muscular.
Eyes: Glowing mako blue.
Hair: Spiky blond. THE spiky blond.
Appearance: Short, but he looks strong and tough - except he'll probably look insecure and nervous in the beginning, so he won't be really intimidating (this also makes him look a bit younger than he is). If seen shirtless, he's got a scar from being impaled on his chest/back. His eyes are his most striking feature though, as they ~glow~ noticeably even in high light. When he's having a Jenova freakout, they turn green and catlike.

Character Name: Fluffy | Cloud Strife
Unit: Cygnus
Description of powers: swordsmanship, Limit Break, magic, flippy antigravity acrobatics (If It Looks Cool He Can Do It). Jenova's powers, other than flight and Evil Hovering, are brainwashing, mind-reading, mimicry, and adaption - if she ever took over Cloud completely she could make him look, act, and copy the abilities of anyone she wanted. I think she also has the power of creating her own creepy glowing green atmospheric ambiance with choir background, idk.
Strength/Extent of powers: Without a sword and without materia, he'll be significantly less retardedly strong (no GOD SUMMONS or COMET), but he doesn't need materia to kick ass. He's a super-strong super soldier that can ignore gravity, take the explosion of the universe and still have HP, and ignore the structural integrity of everything. Apart from lightning reflexes and massive strength, he's got very high resistance to heat and cold and fantastic vision/night vision. When Jenova has a grip on him, he can literally fly/hover, walk on ceilings, possibly blip/flashstep. Jenova can glean personal information from anyone she comes into contact with without Cloud's knowledge, stealing their skills, memories, thoughts and behavioral patterns, plus altering Cloud's as she wishes.

Innate: All natural strength and artificial enhancements are innate, as is his skill with a sword if he ever gets his hands on one. (This is canon; he'll shoot himself in the foot with a gun, but give that boy a blade...) Limitbreak is also innate in the sense that he'll start leveling at the First One. Jenova innately wants to Blend In and Dominate like eternal godbitches do, and will act accordingly. Cloud can also innately use Jenova's abilities as a Self Defense without realizing (I.E. impose temporary amnesia on himself, or literally make himself have a stronger personality to handle a situation).
Memory related: Without his memories of fighting he'll be missing all his military training and battle skills. He'll also be missing his confidence, or any concept that he's actually capable of kicking ass. If he actually throws a punch properly, it's gonna hit hard, and if he tries to run up a wall with confidence, he'll be able to. But his weak sense of self will cripple his powers immensely in the beginning. Jenova, meanwhile, won't remember how to be particularly smooth when it comes to brainwashing masses, but only because the masses have no initial concept of what Normal is. (normal is... having no memories :D;) That'll just be a matter of society having more to steal from.
Relation to memory: Cloud's Limit Breaks will unlock as he remembers them. Because his memories shape his identity, any memories recovered from the "Zack persona" will awaken much stronger potential. Because his sense of self is the key to his resistance or lack of resistance to Jenova, depending on the order of his memories as he regains them, he'll gain access to Jenova's abilities when he remembers them. For example, if he receives his memory of evilly hovering without context BEFORE he has any particular sense of self, he'll be able to do it, and not know it's because of Jenova. (HE DID.)

Effect of Animus Limiters: Cloud's offense is locked down at level 30, so while he can still take a huge amount of abuse, his punches don't exactly do 9999 damage anymore lol, and in CG scene action he's not nearly as fast and feels pain much faster (he was surprised when he banged his head and it actually hurt instead of uh, his head making a crater). Most importantly, Jenova reading other Blanks' minds - unless they're in Cloud's head to begin with - is completely blocked off, because she never has permission. Basically, everybody is protected! If you're in Cloud's head or heart, though, watch out.

LOL WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO KITTY CLOUD IS HE DISEASED

He sure is \o/ OK, what just happened. Queen saw fit to return his Geostigma. For those who aren't Advent Children familiar, Geostigma is basically what happens when your happy soul connection with everything turns rotten, and you start to, uh, rot. It's gross. It can take years or be really quick! Your skin slimes and sloughs off and your bandages have weird black chalky crusts and you hack up black goo and die. And faint a lot and have hallucinations but it's not like Cloud didn't do that anyway \o/ Geostigma isn't contagious! Though everyone certainly assumes it is on first glance.

Of course, Cloud suddenly getting what looks like an awful disease happening RIGHT AFTER Veiled's weird infection game, RIGHT AFTER Veiled was all LOL CONSEQUENCES LOL, looks pretty bad. So everyone who saw him is free to draw paranoid conclusions :D; Cloud will be doing his best to hide it ICly, cuz O SWEET ALEXANDER WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.

(This is happening because I'm a bad person. Also I swear the timing on this wasn't planned)

STATE OF THE CLOUD

( WHICH IS PROBABLY GOING TO CHANGE IMMEDIATELY AFTER HE INGESTS HIS NEW MEMORY BUT WHATEVER )

MEMORY FOUR: Aeris asks him what rank he was in SOLDIER, and he answers "First Class."

(Cloud and Aeris proceed to the playground. In there…)
Aeris: The gate to Sector 7's in there.
Cloud: Thanks. I guess this is goodbye. You gonna be all right going home?
Aeris: Oh no! What ever will I do!? …isn't that what you want me to say?
> (Offer to take her along)
Aeris: Take me to Sector 7? I could do that. But won't I be in your way?
Cloud: What do you mean in the way?
Aeris: Nothing! Can we take a break?
(Aeris runs up the slide.)
Aeris: I can't believe it's still here. Cloud,
over here!
(Cloud and Aeris sat on the slide.)
Aeris: What rank were you?
Cloud: Rank?
Aeris: You know, in SOLDIER.
Cloud: Oh, I was…
(WHITE FLASH.)
Cloud: First Class.
Aeris: Just the same as him.
Cloud: The same as who?
Aeris: My first boyfriend.
Cloud: You were…serious?
Aeris: No. But I liked him for a while.
Cloud: I probably knew him. What was his name?
Aeris: It doesn't really matter.
(The memory ends there)

Old post :|a NSFW.

LAST UPDATE: MORNING OF THE 16TH DAY

( Vulpecula )
( Pyxis )
( Monoceros )
( Cepheus )
( Cygnus!1!! )
( Lepus )
( Hydra )

This isn't so much an essay as a statement of how Cloud's memories are going to WORK, as Cloud recovers them. Now that he has two memories from contrasting points in his life, this is RELEVANT. His "self" that he is building as a Blank holds its own weight - a kind, insecure, eager person, the personality that was written up for his "Blank personality." As he gets contrasting memories, he will weigh them according to what he already has, but his current "total personality" - that is, the Blank personality plus the personalities in his memories - may take veering turns. He won't realize this is happening, not exactly.

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

Well, Cloud is a Jenova's Witness. While Jenova does basically jack to Zack, and makes Sephiroth go bugnuts, Cloud is special! He isn't his whole, stronger self, and won't be until he wins Sabra La Tau (unless he develops that way in-game, of course, which is possible - Cloud became a lot "stronger" than I thought he'd be with his team supporting him and with Zack's appearance). He has what's described as a "weak sense of self." Because of this, Jenova has a certain integrated power over him. In other words, HE IS JENOVA'S PUPPETTT. The bonus of being an Evil Alien Godbitch's puppet is: Cloud also has Jenova's abilities, and will use them whether he realizes he has them or not. Because Cloud is blanked out, he subliminally wants to achieve an equilibrium - that is, be a whole person. And Jenova has the remarkable ability to read minds and copy/evolve what it sees, to better integrate itself into a planet's society! All the better to eventually eat it from the inside, you see.

OKAY THAT'S INTERESTING WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

THAT MEANS! That when Cloud gets his memories back, depending on how well it fits with the personality he's already built, he will automatically integrate the feelings of those memories into his personality. He has blanks, you see, and they need to be filled in quickly - or he's an empty glass, and as he's filled up, everything that's put in there immediately mixes. SURELY ONE OF THESE METAPHORS WORKS.

Now, he's stable enough to not drastically alter who he is at every turn - he's conscious already. Cloud isn't entirely "blank" any more, as far as consciousness is concerned, so he probably won't ever drastically rewrite himself - in other words, he doesn't go around assimilating personality traits from the other Blanks or Judges. But Cloud subliminally identifies his recovered memories as "him." The way he should be. Because of this, he has a supernatural boost to how quickly he accepts his behavior in these memories, even if it directly contradicts what he's decided for himself as Fluffy the Blank.

IN ACTION:

MEMORY ONE: Zack's death - whole thing. BLOOD, DEATH, RAINNNN. Feeling kind of lost and not-understanding and blank but pulling out of it, then an intense feeling of pain and failure and desperation and NOOO towards someone who's just died, and a fuzzy promise to remember that person. Cloud is immediately more tuned in with people, more afraid of failure, gets attached very quickly, MORE MOE IN GENERAL. He was extremely attached to Zack the instant he saw him and it's only gotten stronger from there. As a Blank, he doesn't understand why he broke such an important promise (to remember Zack), and isn't sure of what kind of person he is for that. He doesn't know why Zack died. He's scared of losing the people he loves and prone to blame himself.

MEMORY TWO: This stairway scene in entirety, plus a small piece before it where Cloud tells them they can't just barge in to ShinRa and they should take the back stairs. ("Hey, you should know this building well." "Not really, now that I think about it. This is the first time I've ever been to the Headquarters." somethingsomething security this must be where they took Aeris something Barret don't be retarded and just barge in.) Cloud is worried about Aeris, but tsundere. Detached, but allying with others because that's what needs to be done... really! His "friends" tease him about having feelings and fighting for people other than himself after all. This memory is from his second personality - a colder, detached, bitchy mercenary. The immediate reaction thanks to Jenova is tsundere +10. He is less easily attached. More likely to use strategy, or take initiative or be commanding. Way more likely to be sarcastic. He knows he cares about people, and as a total Blank at this point that's a given, and the puppylike fluffball that developed from Blank + ZACKDEATHAAAAAH isn't gone at all, and will probably act up as a primary on a - weird, uneven basis (ZACK HI ZACK HI). Something has just been stacked.

Cloud can consciously notice this is happening if it's drastic (and can/will get very confused at some point), but otherwise he'll assume it's natural from getting his memories back. His abilities as a Jenova clone enable him to fill in blanks - the "white flashes" he experiences are either walls that his mind refuses to go past, or noise that marks as a "stand by," a signifier that he is inventing something to fill the hole he has suddenly encountered in his mind. What he invents will depend on his memories, or his concepts of what "should" go in that hole. Who he should be, and who he wants to be - or rather, what he wants at the time, and who he needs to be to accomplish that.

Of course, everyone he interacts with in Sabra la Tau can change how he grows too. WE SHALL SEE. But if Cloud is suddenly capable of bitchiness? It's because he's the clone babby of an evil alien godbitch. And whatever memory he recovers next will also alter his path.

( Below the cut! )